Hello World, this is me

Why hello there, so this is a peek into my world. With this being my first blog, I am not sure what I will write, but I am sure by the end it will be filled with useless things.
Here is a little secret, I am longing for another baby, and cute little bundle of joy to sniff and cuddle...those little baby yawns, the sleepless nights, spit up, not showering until 4 in the afternoon. I am so very blessed to have two wonderful children who light up world, but I want another. We have had our ups and downs, and went through leaps and bounds.
When I was 19, I was very blessed to get pregnant just randomly..no trying...preventing actually...and now I have my wonderful son. After the birth of my son, my now husband and I talked of having more children...and tired and tired. I was young, so why was this not working. A visit to the the doctor and soon we started fertility treatments. A year went by, with talking pills, giving myself shots, going in for ultrasounds to make sure I had eggs, the doctor giving me a shot to make my egg drop, going home, being told when to have sex, taking my temp...and it just wasn't working. Then a positive pregnancy test out of blue...OH my joy, the tears...and then 6 weeks in, it was over. Going back and the doctor discovered a cyst on my ovary probably from the fertility meds, so on birth control I went, to decrease the size of the cyst...and then no period, it was fathers day 2005, and I dare not take a test, because I could see the hopes in my husbands eye. I knew, he wanted this just as much as I, if not more!! Then two days later, I bought a test, and into the bathroom we went...I looked it and screamed, see I told you I wasn't pregnant...and then he said see I told you, you were!! And ohhh it was positive!! I dare not tell a soul because what if everyone started to get excited and it didn't work out, so we waited, we waited until 14 weeks, and then shared the news...my son called and told people that there is a baby in my mommy. My screamed with joy. In February we were blessed with our beautiful perfect baby girl. Six short months later we found ourselves pregnant again. We were thrilled. My sister was pregnant too, and it was wonderful!! Then Thanksgiving morning, I started woke up spotting, and called and they said take it easy...it probably is just old blood, keep your legs up and we will see how it all goes, and then Friday morning I woke up soaked in blood, and we rushed to the doctor, they sent me in for an ultrasound right way. The tech turned the screen away, and she wouldn't look at us, my husband held on to my daughter, and tried to be so brave, the she left, came back and told me to I was to wait in this room. Then she called me and said that Kim (the midwife) was on the phone for me. I remember, trying to make small talk, her daughter Jodie and had been a student nurse for the birth of my son, and then my nurse for the birth of my daughter...and it just so happened we went to high school together. I tired to talk about that, and then she told me to sit down, and told me there was not heart beat, I could hear the pain in her voice, and I tired to so hard to be brave!! I didn't want to cry!! I told her it was okay, and she told me no, no it isn't I could be upset. We said goodbye and I walked out, and lost it...I melted right there in the van, crying...my husband didn't know what to do, I wanted run, to leave, to be anyone else. I called my sister, told her the news and she said I will be right there, and when she got here, I lay in bed...a puffy, red mess. She laid next to me. Belly to belly and then I felt a kick...it was her baby not mine, and at that moment I honestly hated her! How could I hate my sister, she was my best friend, and then she looked at me and said Aunt Jaime that is just little S's way of letting you know everything will be alright!!
So here is 3 years later, and now I so want another baby we will just see, if it is meant to be this time.
As for little S, her and my baby girl are 11 months apart, the bestest of friends, and true girly girls...

Off to get my monkey from preschool!!